Dropping The Story
So much of life is lived in and by the stories we tell ourselves. Stories are our humanly limited attempt to make sense of our experience. They can be a source of understanding but also a source of limiting beliefs we tell ourselves about who we are, where we come from and where we are going.
A client explained with great confidence that she was poor. She stated, with great conviction, that she would not succeed in life or in reaching her dreams because she was poor. She had grown up in abject poverty which was, of course, no fault of her own. She learned that she was poor from her parents and family members who told her over and over again that she was poor and would have to fight her whole life for anything she would have. Unfortunately, she grew up believing this and had rooted herself in beliefs of poverty, lack and striving all her adult life.
I asked this precious person if she was actually poor right now. Today, this very day, are you poor? Do you have enough? Do you have food, shelter, a job etc… She replied that of course she had those things. I asked again, “Are you poor right now?” She replied, “Yes, I’ll always be poor.” We discussed whether this statement was actually true. The realities were that there had been times of great lack and difficulty in her childhood but that most of her adult life had been pretty good! In fact, she had been successful in her career, in relationships and in the opportunities her abundance had afforded her. I repeated the question, “Is it true?” Eventually this question began to break up her long-held beliefs about being poor.
I suggested, “Perhaps it’s time to drop the story about poverty and lack. You seem to be doing quite well in your current life. Maybe it’s time to change the story so that it more accurately reflects your current experience.”
We discussed what that new story could sound like. Through our next few coaching sessions, we co-created a few new stories that worked like mantra or affirmations for her:
“I have all that I need.”
“My life if full of abundant supply.”
“I live in an atmosphere of gratitude for all I have.”
“I speak well of my life. My words create my future.”
“I recognize and let go of old stories that no longer serve me.”
“I choose to live in truth.”
As weeks passed my client began to release the old story and embrace a new one. Her business started to flourish. She seemed to attract new clients and networking opportunities. Over time she began to feel more hopeful and excited about what was ahead for her. Her new mantras and affirmations began to create more awareness about other crappy stories she had become addicted to as she began to ask herself, “Is it true?”
We all tell ourselves stories. It’s totally normal. Sometimes they serve to help us cope or make sense of our experiences. I’ve been there just like you! But when I recognize them as story and not necessarily “truth” I begin to open up to new possibilities.
Dropping the story is a practice. Sometimes the really stubborn stories take a while to get rid of. Mindfulness and somatically-based therapy helped me drop the stories that no longer served me. Then, I was able to create new ones that are leading me every day toward the fulfilling life I want.