An Authentic Man

Masculinity can be a very confusing topic. We receive a lot of messages about what it is, is not or could be. So many variables from countless sources all jockey for our attention and acceptance. There are cultural and gender norms, regional influences, religious opinions, sexual orientations, literary and media messages as well as our own belief systems that all can be present simultaneously creating a yarn ball of contradiction that can be difficult to unravel.

As I endeavor to consider how I wish to show up in the world, I am pondering what a “real” or “authentic” man looks likes. Here are my thoughts at this juncture of the journey.

An Authentic Man...

Shows up in life and for the lives of others.
Is honest about his feelings and ideas.
Makes tons of room for others’ feelings and ideas - allowing everyone to show up exactly as they are.
Is kind. Is really kind.
Is loyal to his friends, family and those who count on him.
Is willing to tell the truth about his life, even if some may not approve or understand.
Has great capacity to love and is vulnerable enough to allow others to love him in return.
Says he’s sorry when he’ wrong or screws up. He takes responsibility.
Has great passions and pursues them.
Knows how to be passionate and cultivate true intimacy and connection beyond sex.
Makes room for people of all experiences and can hold space for each person knowing they are still works in progress and that questions, confusion and uncertainty is part of the human experience too.
Takes responsibility appropriately.
Has agency. He can say what he needs and wants. He’s not afraid to ask and can handle the inevitable “no” when it happens.
He may be masculine, effeminate, androgynous or somewhere in between. He realizes that all those labels are simply that, labels. They do not identify the actual person. Every man is far more than the sum of his lovers and critics evaluations